If you haven't already noticed, I appear, seem active for a bit, and then disappear for ages again.
Well, for those of you who haven't already figured out, I'm a very depression-prone person, like...VERY.
It's been pretty bad for a few weeks now, despite knowing I don't really owe you any art, I still apologize for the lack of activity, particularly the people I'm roleplaying with. Please pardon me and consider those on hold; I'm not in the mood for it at all.
At the moment my fingers are twitching to delete the whole account and start from zero again, I'm really tired of my page, there's so much of the old me there it's driving me nuts. Old characters I love and want to keep but don't want to keep anymore, old stories I'll never continue, projects I'll never complete. The worst part of it being, I don't want to complete them, I don't want to start anything new either, because I know I'll not finish that either. I don't want to make a new account, because I feel it'll go stale after a while as well. In all honesty, I don't know what to do with myself. I've never posted any proper rant here because I felt like you wouldn't care to read about my silly problems, and I'm not expecting anyone to care. It's my life, my problems, everyone's busy solving their own right? Trying to find happiness, heck maybe they're already happy, I don't know, maybe there are people out there who can actually be happy with life. I'm downright disappointed with it. Everything is so depressing, painful, or perhaps just meaningless.
How long it'll take for me to find my way upwards from my pits of gloom? I don't know! I try, I really do, I pull myself up a bit, only to fall down further than I did before. It's an eternal battle with myself which I've already convinced myself I've lost.
It seems like there are many years I can take to mend myself, yet I can't see myself even five years into the future. When I get asked where I see myself doing, I pause, realizing that subconsciously I've already decided I won't be around by that point. That, or I'll be doing the exact same thing have not progressed at all.
There, I got it off my heart, now if you don't mind, I might disappear for a whole while. There may not be any Christmas present this year (I'm sorry for breaking the 3 year tradition my lovelies, but I just can't.. plus I've fallen out of touch with pretty much anyone I could call my 'friend' here on DA anyway)
Okay now I'm just starting to repeat myself, but yes, in short. I'm depressed, the account will be dead for hell knows how long. For everyone who's still following me, thank you for putting up with my bullshit and inconsistency.... Oh god why does it feel like I'm writing a last will of testament or someshit, I just have to stop here because I can't stop ;_;